Take it all away please.

Sorry I haven't been on in a while.

I was hoping to come back weighing less and feeling thinner.

My tummy has gone down but I'm guessing sit ups have something to to with it?

I'm stuck at 123lbs and i want those 23lbs to go away.

Somebody take them please?

I wish we could push fat around.

I know it sounds odd but I'd find it easier if we could choose where the fat goes, I'd spread it evenly all over so as there would be a thin layer instead of a huge hunk hanging off my hip bone...

A lot has happened the past couple of days. And I don't feel completely myself at the moment.

A while ago, my closest cousin died, we were best friends. Yesterday, there was an article in the newspaper about her death. I'd explain but theres no point.

It's hit me again that shes really gone forever.

Somebody take away the memories and the pain please?

I'm not the most emotional person you'll ever meet.

In fact I only show one emotion, happiness.

I don't deal with the rest.

I usually push them to the back of my mind and let them sit there and sulk

because I ignore them.

However, this has been building up for 8 months now and its taking over...

I'm trying my best to hide it from my mum. Partially because she'll ask questions and partially because I get scared when she shows affection.

It's not normal for her to show she cares.

I want to live in my own fairytale world. Away from the harsh reality of life.

I want to go back to childhood, playing all day and not worrying about anything except

"will the shops run out of sweeties?"

or

"which colour should I use now?"

I guess my ideal world would glow. I am in love with glowing objects.

I become entranced by the glowing and I can't help but stare at it for hours.

I swear I have mild ADD. I keep changing topic.

I know I have mild paranoia, and I'm scared it will get worse.

Yes I am a problematic child.

Who isn't?