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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Ew.

Wandering around, in a confused daze. 
I've consumed 1000cals and I feel disgusting. 
. Why did I eat? Why couldn't I just say NO.
Do Not Eat.
But No. My fat body just wouldn't listen.
I followed the ritual of plunging my fingers down my throat, and bringing it up.. but not all. 
Footsteps hovering around the bathroom door.
Stop! before they hear.
Clean up and hop into the shower.
My stomach hurts. Its like its screaming 
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EAT THIS MUCH?
I don't know! I yell back.
Just this morning it was growling at me saying, feed me
Now its whining at me saying don't eat.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND...
My mind is made up.
I Want To Be Thin.
Fast tomorrow and Thursday, then Friday is a new start.
Call me strange, but the only days I like to restart on are Mondays or Fridays. :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

So I promised a complete update.

Listening to this song right now.
Amazing.
Hmmm where to start?
From the beginning right.
Last time I posted, was the summer holidays. I went abroad for the good part of August. Course I restricted and jogged like a wild woman. 
Then school started. Binge everyday, oh it was terrible.
Last year of school is so damn stressful, all the work and pressure. Luckily, I have discovered, unfortunately the hard way, that time passes quite fast when your busy. So I didn't realise I was getting humongous. When I did, it hit me how fast I had gained without noticing, so I started thinking, how fast could I lose without realising?
I did just that.
I went from 127lbs to 122lbs in the space of two weeks, which, ok its not a great amount, but I managed to lose it and get that much closer to my first goal weight :)
Thats whats happened in a nutshell. Sure there have been intense moments, emotional breakdowns and self harm..
But who wants to here about that (:

Lets just pretend to be happy and secretly wish the pain would Fuck Off.


I am back :)

I'm terribly sorry for disappearing for ages, had some issues with the parentals but I am Back :)
Ehm not much news, schools being a betch Last Year = shit load of work.. great =.=

HOW IS EVERYONE DOING?! c'mon gimme some news! :) I promise I'll post longer tomorrow, with a real update.

Love Freakshizz