Take it all away please.

Sorry I haven't been on in a while.

I was hoping to come back weighing less and feeling thinner.

My tummy has gone down but I'm guessing sit ups have something to to with it?

I'm stuck at 123lbs and i want those 23lbs to go away.

Somebody take them please?

I wish we could push fat around.

I know it sounds odd but I'd find it easier if we could choose where the fat goes, I'd spread it evenly all over so as there would be a thin layer instead of a huge hunk hanging off my hip bone...

A lot has happened the past couple of days. And I don't feel completely myself at the moment.

A while ago, my closest cousin died, we were best friends. Yesterday, there was an article in the newspaper about her death. I'd explain but theres no point.

It's hit me again that shes really gone forever.

Somebody take away the memories and the pain please?

I'm not the most emotional person you'll ever meet.

In fact I only show one emotion, happiness.

I don't deal with the rest.

I usually push them to the back of my mind and let them sit there and sulk

because I ignore them.

However, this has been building up for 8 months now and its taking over...

I'm trying my best to hide it from my mum. Partially because she'll ask questions and partially because I get scared when she shows affection.

It's not normal for her to show she cares.

I want to live in my own fairytale world. Away from the harsh reality of life.

I want to go back to childhood, playing all day and not worrying about anything except

"will the shops run out of sweeties?"

or

"which colour should I use now?"

I guess my ideal world would glow. I am in love with glowing objects.

I become entranced by the glowing and I can't help but stare at it for hours.

I swear I have mild ADD. I keep changing topic.

I know I have mild paranoia, and I'm scared it will get worse.

Yes I am a problematic child.

Who isn't?

I think as many as six impossible things before breakfast (:

1. I was secretly born Russian.

2. Toys are secretly alive.

3. Music notes will one day start emitting themselves from speakers.

4. I will grow out of glowing objects such as glow sticks and black light.

5. My bedroom door will turn to jelly.

6. I will marry the Mad Hatter.

Yes, I do deserve a slap across the face..

I have lost that kilo from when the Period Bitch came. I have 5 days to lose another kilo.

I guess this means strict fast!

Aw man, I don't want to go to this dance. I don't have a dress and I just don't fit in in situations like that. I'm not the formal type at all, I'm more the get wasted and get high type..

Don't need to act all pristine and upper class.

I'm not a socialite. I'm the stoner.

Most probably why I am fat (:

I just don't feel comfortable standing around sipping wine,making small talk about the weather or the food. Oh God, THE FOOD.

It's a buffet anyways, so I'm in total control :)

Usually formal occasions you need to be skinny and elegant.

Theres no such thing as an elegant fat person I can tell you that.

Anyways, enough ranting about fat elegant people...

I'm starting to think about changing my look. I'm pretty plain and I hate it.

I want to dye my hair, I just have to find the right colour.

I'm hoping wash out will help with that :D

Either I go platinum blonde and get a short cut, or I let my hair grow long and dye it a reddish brown.

This holiday, I am getting my new piercings. Once I reach my goal weight :) I also need to be skinny by end of July! First July I'll be skinny and able to buy clothes and not worry about fat arms, ass, legs and love handles. Oh I can not wait.

And I have found a tattoo that i may actually like. It's a peacock feather.

I want to get it on y upper arm, with fantastical colours.

I'm too white for a monochromatic tattoo. Bold, florescent colours suite me.

Maybe even a black light tattoo.

I'd like to apologise for not being on in a while. Schools hectic at the moment. I promise to start commenting on blogs as soon as this week is finished! Exam Week you see.

A Total Ass Whore.

I am quite vulgar at times and I do apologise for it.

Stay Strong and Think Thin.

xxx

Brazil!

Ahahahaa, I'm a chick and I'm caught up in the World Cup Mania :D

Well, tomorrow, I start liquid fast :)

My plan.. GREEN TEA

I can't wait to be honest.

I don't know why, but theres always this excitement when starting a diet :D

I love it, its a form of motivation!

I promise tomorrow, I'll post a long post.

I know I don't so much of them, but I can't now, France vs Uruguay is about to start!

GO URUGUAY!

xx

Binge.

Urgh, Period Binge. FUCKING UGH!

I need to get back on track

Thursday-

Fruit and water

Friday-

Fruit and water

Saturday-

Liquid Fast

Sunday-

Liquid Fast

Monday-

Liquid Fast

And I'll go on from there.

Small post, but heres a little update.

I am going to prom with an amazing guy, exams are in a week, 4 weeks of school left, AND I HAVENT LOST WEIGHT.

that kilo that i lost? Period Bitch decided I needed to gain it again T.T

Turbo Strict Diet from now on.

Period, You Bitch.

Beautiful Blogger Award.

Beautiful Blogger Award.

Wow, what can I say?

Already I'm not good with words so I'm literally rendered speechless!

I want to give a huge Thank You to the wonderful Sun-Lit~

from http://searchingforsunlight.blogspot.com/

for presenting me with this award!

7 Things you didn't know about me

1. I suffer from mild paranoia. You may think ah paranoia isn't so bad.

Its gotten to a point where I question even my best friends intentions.

2. I love exploring. I'll explore anything.

I've been on building sites, forests, abandoned buildings, "No Tress passer" areas,

all because I have this urge to explore and discover new things.

3. I'm not one to talk. People tell me things in vein hope that I'll go and tell that person.

Unless you say "Hey, tell this person that", I won't. Mainly because I can not be arsed :)

4. I am a bit of a gaming freak. Yes, I am a girl :)

5. I find the colour black totally sexy.

My phone, iPod, headphones and USB are all black.

My future car and guitar will be black too.

Les Paul Black Beauty.

1969 Ford Mustang Fastback.

6. My favorite number is 5.

7. I detest complications. I believe in taking the simple route.

That goes for relationships too.

The Beautiful Blogger Award goes to

J'ai ete une fois une conasse maigre.

Raiinbowana, I love your blog. I can relate to it and I find your pictures are original and cute :) I find your blog in general is adorable!

Mini Me

Anita Marie, The first thing I read on your blog was Smoke, Feathers, Glitter, Lust and Hunger.

There, you had me hooked. I love your randomness too.

I don't think you can give this award to someone who has already received it, but I think they totally deserve it. And here they are.

My Attempt at being thin.

Cat, I know you have this award already but I think you deserve it a second time. You are inspirational! And your blog is absolutely amazing.

xxx

Searching for sunlight with ana past the trees..

Sun-Lit~ , I know you gave me this award and I am over the moon :) I think you deserve it more so I'll award it to you again! I love reading your blog. Your random names for your posts and all the pictures you put up.

xxx

The One and Only

doo doo doodoodoo doo!

I am in love with her hair :)

I just want to thank all of you for your support. Honestly, without you supporting me, I would have failed majorly and not lost a kilo!. hehe I know, its only a kilo, but better a kilo than nothing right? and hopefully the weight will just start to fall off like theres no tomorrow!

Guess What.

I am 123lbs.

123... 3 more till my goal weight and new dress!

:D

and to top it off, I found out, from reliable sources, my crush likes me back :)

oh happy days!

Don't worry I won't go all gospel.. I'll go all WOOP!!

:D

2 weeks and 4 days till prom.

LOSE THE 3 LBS!!

xx

JuneBug

Well, I think June cursed me.

I had around 650c today. I burnt around 150c.

Ew.

Wednesdays, Thursdays and Sundays are easy to fast on.

I think I'll stick to that plan.

For the next 2 weeks, heres my outline

Mondays- 100c and jog, cycle

Tuesdays- 300c and horse ride

Wednesdays-Fast

Thursdays-Fast

Fridays-100c

Saturdays- 200c and jog, cycle

Sundays- Fast

Every day- sit ups, dance around for an hour.

I will be down to 120lbs by 21 June.

I have to work for it, but I'll get there.